for aging

oh, hello!

did you know that i just had a birthday? cuz i did.

(and guys, i got like the best gifts ever and had like the best birthweek-and-a-half ever and i got to see so many of my loves who made me remember i have some really amazing people in my life and i just basically lovebursted and celebrated and was a happy woman. one of those amazing gifts from my sugarbear has distracted me a bit from this lil brainchild of mine, but youll all be sure to see the fruits of that labor someday soon.)

im a whole year older and seriously i dont know what i’ll do if i get any wiser, but im sure it’s happening already b/c i impress myself, daily, with the shit i come up with. looks like the first thing i’ve learned to share with you all tho, is just that theres a time and a place for humility and this is definitely not the place so im just gonna go ahead and flaunt it, mmmkay?

the other thing i can share with you is that bitches be crazy. so many women in my life are terrified of aging. maybe not even TERRIFIED per say. more like REFUSING to do it.

(if you say that thats what happens when so many women in your life are from long island, i will not speak to you ever again. and when i have i ever lied to you? right. so shhhh.)

and i think it is just wild what we will do to ourselves to avoid looking like we are getting older. people i know who are afraid of needles and getting shots are planning on getting botox..and soon! sure, it's supposed to prevent wrinkles from forming later on, but like..i dont know why ANYONE wanna go thru this, voluntarily. 

i read an article in college that i cannot find right now despite a whole 15 minutes spent on google and trying to find a way around buying this one article i got to read an excerpt from on jstor that looks like it.. so i’ll just let you know what it was about. basically, we have such a hard time with aging b/c of all we do in an effort to avoid it, hide it, cover it up. all we see on tv are quick fixes we can buy to make us look a little less shriveled-up, tired, and grey. our beloved celebrities don’t appear to age, and even tho we all know we shouldn’t compare ourselves to these people who are paid to look a certain way and will do whatever they need to do in order to look that way, we do compare ourselves to the unattainable.
personally, i'm stoked to flaunt my saggy tattoos like this little pip.

and when we look into the mirror and see wrinkles and grey hair, as older women, we don’t even know how it happened. throughout our young years, we never see ourselves as possibly growing old-looking. and so when we see this older-looking lady, we get depressed. we feel ugly. we feel disconnected from the reflection in the mirror cuz we don’t know this old lady looking back at us. and it is probably pretty scary to feel all of that at once. and lets face it- this is all under the assumption that we even still have our brains in tip-top shape and SHOULD know the person in the mirror, or any person standing in the bedroom/bathroom/mirrorstore with us, for that matter.

and so i try to remind myself of this article. i try to remember that i'm getting older, every day. i embrace my birthday. sure, its wild when i think of my age and i wonder what it's supposed to feel like to be 28..but you know what? i love my birthday. i have fun. i am lucky to grow old. we all are. so just go with it!

use that natural beauty you have..flaunt it, instead of abusing it, and let yourself become a beautiful older-looking person, too. b/c that is what we do:  we age. there is no point running from it if you can't hide, so why not show a little grace and stop frowning over it? after all, doesn't frowning just give you more wrinkles?


for privacy

i used to be a pretty private chick. 

in high school, i would have preferred to go through the entire school day, sniffling my cold up into my head, giving me a terrible headache, to blowing my nose in front of an entire classroom of people. i would wear some kind of a sleeved shirt underneath my sleeveless track uniform, so no1 would even know what color sports bra i was wearing underneath, lest they spot a millimeter of it through my jersey's armhole mid-race. i had changing in the locker room down to a science. somehow i could manage to get back into my clothes after practice or gym class without showing anything but my legs, and a part of my back to whoever wasn't looking anyway. 

and i've come a long way. i mean, obviously..i have a blog. 

(really! you're reading it! thank you!)

and i talk about a lot of stuff. 

(even poo!)

but you know, i couldn't even burp out loud before college! 

(maybe i wasn't drinking enough beer in high school?)

but then i got to college. and i had to go to the bathroom in the same room as not only girls but also boys, as our dorm floor bathroom was co-ed. i also had to learn to brush my teeth and clean my new nose ring and be hungover-and-puking and even shower in the same room as all these people, all whilst carrying on full conversations. i also had to learn not to freak out when jarrett

(i know it was you)

snagged my bathrobe from outside the shower curtain and i was forced to get back to my room at the very end of the hall in the teeny tiny towel i had. 

(maybe i was drinking too much beer in college?)

anyhow, a lot has changed since even the college days when i learned 

(yes, mom, lots of amazing stuff that will help me to me excel in this world..but also)

to let go of my privacy a little bit. there is no way that the me back in hs would be ok with this in'eresting thought the me, now, had. i had this thought in my apartment--which is a studio, mind you--a couple of weeks ago when my friend tranda came over after work. 

i went into the bathroom 

(obviously the ONLY other room in the apartment)

and closed the door. as i sat there and peed, i could hear tranda and my boo chatting on and on in "the other room," aka the rest of the apt. maybe it was the effects of the wine we had just opened, but i reeeeally wanted to interject my opinion on prince william and kate and something or other..and i wondered: 

why did i even close the bathroom door? 

all im doing in here is peeing. tranda happens to be my everything-buddy at work, and i can tell you for sure i have peed in the same room as her more times than i could even begin to count. and then obviously my girl doesn't care.. the two of us pee with the door open from time to time, when a conversation needs to continue but nature has called and the bathroom is just right there.. i mean, whats the big deal?

so then i thought even further into it..people think about married couples and just associate going to the bathroom with the door open with being married and think that once you get married, all the romance is gone. im sure this whole bathroom situation has a lot to do with that mentality. at least, a little bit of it.. 

but like, same-sex couples go to the bathroom in front of one another ALL THE TIME. its kind of a treat, to tell you the truth. i love being out at a bar and being able to go to the bathroom with my lady. we get to chit chat about when we're going to go home, assess the night so far, and maybe even steal a kiss. things like that. sometimes those bathrooms happen to be "for one person only" but you know what? we're both girls so usually no1 stops us. and you know what else? this has done very little to kill the romance. everybody pees. 

who cayes?

moral of the story: dont fear marriage if marriage = going to the bathroom with the door open, cuz that kind of privacy is way too prohibiting for life these days.


for fibromyalgia AFUCKINGAIN



i heard from a very reliable source that when they cant figure out what else is wrong with ya they fah-reakin say 




not even kidding. i heard it from a doctor. 

(he's actually a lot cooler and sweeter and more fun and wayyy more intelligent than the one attached to that link. partially based on the fact that..............errrrrr.........well.........the smurf one doesnt exist. but the other one does. i promise you.)

so idk, be mad at fibromyalgia. but mayyyyybs be a lil more mad at all the people who never told you that you had it

[read: hypochondria / u be crazy / u do have the eff-word ]

..the ones who shoulda known. the ones you thought woulda brought this up before letting you read this blog and many others that dont know shit about fibromyalgia cuz it is fake, ya'll, and they couldnt possibly know SQUAT about it. 

or, just hang. take Lyrica..and..and enjoy whatever that does.


for july, july

happy fourth, ya'll! 

(did you know that was the FIRST time EVER IN MY LIFE that i typed those words? well now you know. that can be your something-new you learned today. youre welcome.)

today my amazing little buddy tranda treated me to an early bday manicure during lunch.

so you know what this means, dont you? well aside from me having red and blue nails to celebrate my american pride just one wknd after celebrating my gay pride

(and yes, my toes are painted, too, but just like the pic of my toes at the top of this blog. im a proud gay american. mmmkay?)

but this also means that now im ready to start celebratin' my bday MONTH! i mean, why not? i already got it started today with some lovely pampering at lunch and a tasty cupcake after lunch, so tonight is probably going to get a little wild. cheers queers! be safe while celebrating our freedom from england 

(even tho i know a bunch of you who are total anglophiles)

and dont forget to shut off the grill.